I have a confession to make, I've been a pathetic excuse for a Christian these past couple months. Well, maybe not the type your thinking of, I haven't done drugs, partied, gotten wasted, all that "typical" stuff...I just haven't been the best that I can be, and maybe that's worse than just full out not living my faith. Well, to be honest, it is worse.
Christ states in Revelation 3:16,
"But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"
Think about that for a second...that's pretty harsh, maybe it even points out that Christ would rather have us be completely (cold water) totally against Him, than to be partially for Him. But when I think about it more, do I blame Him? It's like, a "friend" you have, they are completely nice when they are with you, when they are talking to you, but as soon as you're out of their sight, they can't stop talking absolute trash about you behind your back. Pathetic. Well, I know for me anyways, I hate people like that, "friends" like that, and I bet that's exactly how God feels about me sometimes. Sure, I can play the role, no problem, anyone can right? Go to church, say the right "Sunday school answers", raise your hands during worship, sing along with all the right words, because you know all the words right? Because, you're a "good" Christian. Pray with your eyes shut tight, and your hands folded neatly together, nod your head when you "agree" with something the pastor says, it's almost too easy. As soon as you leave church, laugh at a dirty joke, or better yet, be the one who told it, go out and make a complete mockery of Christ and who He is, and who we are supposed to be representing. Honestly, it's sickening. And then I come to think, is this really the reason Christ came down to die that shameful and miserable death? All because later on in life, I would end up basically spitting in His face? Seriously, the thought of some of the ways that I have abused this word called "Christian" makes me rage inside, it makes me feel so utterly broken, and ashamed. But why is it that I can come out and write these things, and feel this way, but not really make a difference in how I live my life. That to me is absoluetely insane! This is where, that verse means so much, yet, is so painful in a sense because I realize that I am sometimes that person that Christ "spits" out of His mouth. Maybe it's not judgement day yet, maybe I'm not standing in front of Him yet, but He also states "I will come like a theif in the night..." and when He does, will I still be where I have brought myself to be standing in front of Him, a complete disgrace to His name? And will He then, spit me out of His mouth? It really makes me think about what I'm going to do today to be different, and make a difference. I so long for that Christian fellowship that we as believers should be experiencing everyday, or that total peace that should overwhelm me every morning when I wake, when am I, or better yet, when are WE going to step it up a notch, and live out what we try to "convince" people to experience. When can we pray for eachother, pray WITH eachother, and be that love that Christ showed us. If we started right now, if we started yesterday, I wonder what difference we could make in the lives around us, this is where I want to be, this is where I'm called to be, and this is what I long to become, an absolute ambassador of Christ, the kind of person that when I am standing infront of Him, in all of His glory He will tell me "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Until next time. - Meriss
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the very face that you are writing and thinking this way tells me that you are on the hot side of things. the desire to go deeper, to strengthen your faith and your relationship should and will be a lifelong desire. don't ever stop that pursuit. just because you have areas you want to improve on and are nowhere near yet, doesn't mean Jesus doesn't see you as totally for him. he knows you are imperfect and that is ultimately why he came. getting down on yourself is a tactic of Satan. it's guilt and shame, which is what Jesus is about at all. he is about conviction and edification, sanctification, salvation. continue to pursue him. focus on his grace and not on your short comings. seriously, go to his word and just find out what the Bible has to say about grace. doesnt mean you have to become complacent, but it might help you to see yourself the way Jesus sees you.
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