I have a confession to make, I've been a pathetic excuse for a Christian these past couple months. Well, maybe not the type your thinking of, I haven't done drugs, partied, gotten wasted, all that "typical" stuff...I just haven't been the best that I can be, and maybe that's worse than just full out not living my faith. Well, to be honest, it is worse.
Christ states in Revelation 3:16,
"But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"
Think about that for a second...that's pretty harsh, maybe it even points out that Christ would rather have us be completely (cold water) totally against Him, than to be partially for Him. But when I think about it more, do I blame Him? It's like, a "friend" you have, they are completely nice when they are with you, when they are talking to you, but as soon as you're out of their sight, they can't stop talking absolute trash about you behind your back. Pathetic. Well, I know for me anyways, I hate people like that, "friends" like that, and I bet that's exactly how God feels about me sometimes. Sure, I can play the role, no problem, anyone can right? Go to church, say the right "Sunday school answers", raise your hands during worship, sing along with all the right words, because you know all the words right? Because, you're a "good" Christian. Pray with your eyes shut tight, and your hands folded neatly together, nod your head when you "agree" with something the pastor says, it's almost too easy. As soon as you leave church, laugh at a dirty joke, or better yet, be the one who told it, go out and make a complete mockery of Christ and who He is, and who we are supposed to be representing. Honestly, it's sickening. And then I come to think, is this really the reason Christ came down to die that shameful and miserable death? All because later on in life, I would end up basically spitting in His face? Seriously, the thought of some of the ways that I have abused this word called "Christian" makes me rage inside, it makes me feel so utterly broken, and ashamed. But why is it that I can come out and write these things, and feel this way, but not really make a difference in how I live my life. That to me is absoluetely insane! This is where, that verse means so much, yet, is so painful in a sense because I realize that I am sometimes that person that Christ "spits" out of His mouth. Maybe it's not judgement day yet, maybe I'm not standing in front of Him yet, but He also states "I will come like a theif in the night..." and when He does, will I still be where I have brought myself to be standing in front of Him, a complete disgrace to His name? And will He then, spit me out of His mouth? It really makes me think about what I'm going to do today to be different, and make a difference. I so long for that Christian fellowship that we as believers should be experiencing everyday, or that total peace that should overwhelm me every morning when I wake, when am I, or better yet, when are WE going to step it up a notch, and live out what we try to "convince" people to experience. When can we pray for eachother, pray WITH eachother, and be that love that Christ showed us. If we started right now, if we started yesterday, I wonder what difference we could make in the lives around us, this is where I want to be, this is where I'm called to be, and this is what I long to become, an absolute ambassador of Christ, the kind of person that when I am standing infront of Him, in all of His glory He will tell me "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Until next time. - Meriss
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
When We're Broken
Well,
I haven't written anything in a while...a long while...and I felt compelled I guess you could say to write one tonight. Something bothers me terribly, as I battle with these questions in my mind, I dunno, maybe I'm just over thinking things. But, maybe I'm on to something. Who knows. Maybe one day all will be made clear. My question is, why can't people just be honest? Not honest as in, I told a lie to someone today, or, a little white lie, or whatever other excuse you can call it. I mean, I guess we lie everyday don't we? Faking how we truly feel on the inside, but on the outside everyone thinks we have our life in order. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong in thinking this, in pondering this. But it also got me thinking, if everyone were dead honest. Even myself. Boy, what a messed up view we would have on everyone around us, what we maybe "thought" of that person, and who they are to who they really are, if of course, we get inside their heads..wait..no...their hearts. Would they be the same person even? Would they be someone that you could truly love for who they were? With all of their brokenness and all of their garbage, is it something you could truly learn to love? I dunno, it got me thinking, if everyone were very, very, honest all the time, to where, no one held any secrets, none at all. Would the world be more peaceful? Or would it cause more harm then good? So when someone asks you, how are you doing...well, how are you really doing? Are you going to lie? Because, to be honest, most of the time I respond with, oh I'm good, or, oh I'm great, or I'm fine...but what if I'm not fine. What if everything in me is...broken? Now, I'm not trying to be "emo" and maybe I'm not even talking about myself, but who's to say right? Maybe I'm talking about the world in general. Could we stop a lot of the pain and heartache that is caused in this world through violence and destruction because someone claims they are doing "good"? Or, is the world in the perfect spot right now because of the lies and antics we come up with to get ourselves out of being completely honest with each other? Who knows...quiet frankly I would like to see what it would turn out to be, maybe not in real life, for the fear of the world becoming an even worse place to dwell than it is already...but maybe, in a dream? A vision? I don't know. I'm just curious I guess. This leads to another question, could doing something bad like..lying, lead to something good...like...peace? I guess this is something I will never really have the answer too because the way the world is going right now isn't good, so I suppose being honest all the time wouldn't really make a difference because we would just have to explain ourselves in the end anyways from all the lying we have done in the past. Sorry, maybe this was a really depressing subject. But I was thinking, it could be thought provoking, a challenge perhaps? Maybe if we all start being a little more honest with how we were we could see in our own lives it if was causing more damage than good, myself included. I guess we will just have to make that decision on our very own...
Until next time..
- Meriss
I haven't written anything in a while...a long while...and I felt compelled I guess you could say to write one tonight. Something bothers me terribly, as I battle with these questions in my mind, I dunno, maybe I'm just over thinking things. But, maybe I'm on to something. Who knows. Maybe one day all will be made clear. My question is, why can't people just be honest? Not honest as in, I told a lie to someone today, or, a little white lie, or whatever other excuse you can call it. I mean, I guess we lie everyday don't we? Faking how we truly feel on the inside, but on the outside everyone thinks we have our life in order. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong in thinking this, in pondering this. But it also got me thinking, if everyone were dead honest. Even myself. Boy, what a messed up view we would have on everyone around us, what we maybe "thought" of that person, and who they are to who they really are, if of course, we get inside their heads..wait..no...their hearts. Would they be the same person even? Would they be someone that you could truly love for who they were? With all of their brokenness and all of their garbage, is it something you could truly learn to love? I dunno, it got me thinking, if everyone were very, very, honest all the time, to where, no one held any secrets, none at all. Would the world be more peaceful? Or would it cause more harm then good? So when someone asks you, how are you doing...well, how are you really doing? Are you going to lie? Because, to be honest, most of the time I respond with, oh I'm good, or, oh I'm great, or I'm fine...but what if I'm not fine. What if everything in me is...broken? Now, I'm not trying to be "emo" and maybe I'm not even talking about myself, but who's to say right? Maybe I'm talking about the world in general. Could we stop a lot of the pain and heartache that is caused in this world through violence and destruction because someone claims they are doing "good"? Or, is the world in the perfect spot right now because of the lies and antics we come up with to get ourselves out of being completely honest with each other? Who knows...quiet frankly I would like to see what it would turn out to be, maybe not in real life, for the fear of the world becoming an even worse place to dwell than it is already...but maybe, in a dream? A vision? I don't know. I'm just curious I guess. This leads to another question, could doing something bad like..lying, lead to something good...like...peace? I guess this is something I will never really have the answer too because the way the world is going right now isn't good, so I suppose being honest all the time wouldn't really make a difference because we would just have to explain ourselves in the end anyways from all the lying we have done in the past. Sorry, maybe this was a really depressing subject. But I was thinking, it could be thought provoking, a challenge perhaps? Maybe if we all start being a little more honest with how we were we could see in our own lives it if was causing more damage than good, myself included. I guess we will just have to make that decision on our very own...
Until next time..
- Meriss
Thursday, December 18, 2008
What Is Worship?
So, I'm surprised at how many people actually read this blog thing. I thought, it was just going to be a spot where I could write down my own thoughts, without everyone being "in" on what I was thinking, oh well, if anything I write or decide to comment on lifts your spirits, or stirs in you in any way. Then, I guess that could be a good thing, couldn't it?
Now, I feel the need to state my opinion on something. It's probably a touchy subject, so I'm sorry if I "offend"
Worship
Yeah, I know most of you are probably rolling your eyes, "ugh...just another one of these"...but seriously. Think about it for a second.
What IS worship? Obviously, yeah, it's anything you do to praise and honour God, but that's so...cliche.
I'm talking about the "singing" aspect of worship, the kind where you stand in a crowd and see a band get up on stage and "do their thing" and walk off, leaving everyone the option to remain in the state of worship and let their heart be consumed with God, or let their thoughts take them back to where they were before that 20 minuet break for singing. I know most of us if not all of us are guilty of singing just because we don't want to be the odd one out, or seem "rude", or just because "heck, I like this song, so why not sing it?"...but when we are singing praises to God and and not focusing on Him and all His glory, aren't the songs we sing just empty words? And aren't our hearts just remaining tainted, feelingless or maybe...guiltless? But if we WERE singing to God and weren't
Now, I feel the need to state my opinion on something. It's probably a touchy subject, so I'm sorry if I "offend"
Worship
Yeah, I know most of you are probably rolling your eyes, "ugh...just another one of these"...but seriously. Think about it for a second.
What IS worship? Obviously, yeah, it's anything you do to praise and honour God, but that's so...cliche.
I'm talking about the "singing" aspect of worship, the kind where you stand in a crowd and see a band get up on stage and "do their thing" and walk off, leaving everyone the option to remain in the state of worship and let their heart be consumed with God, or let their thoughts take them back to where they were before that 20 minuet break for singing. I know most of us if not all of us are guilty of singing just because we don't want to be the odd one out, or seem "rude", or just because "heck, I like this song, so why not sing it?"...but when we are singing praises to God and and not focusing on Him and all His glory, aren't the songs we sing just empty words? And aren't our hearts just remaining tainted, feelingless or maybe...guiltless? But if we WERE singing to God and weren't
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Suckered into this blogging thing....
So, I guess I have a confession,
I never wanted to get a "blogspot" because...it seems, well, to be dreadfully honest, a cop-out, something that, you can use to express how you feel without people being able to "disagree" right there, on the spot, or say something that might offend you, or put you off guard. But, well, here I am, about to write down some things that I know some of you that may read this, or anyone that reads this at all, might be either really surprised, offended, or dissapointed in me, but that's fine, I'm not here to make impressions. Well, here goes nothing,
I have been going through some really trashy stuff lately. Guilty feelings for one, for a LONG time. Months. Can't figure out why though. Ever. I have done many things to rid me of this feeling but it overwhelms me, and consumes me, it walks with me when I wake up in the morning, and it comes with me to bed when I fall asleep. Also, along with feelings of "guilt", to be very honest with you all, I haven't been doing so great with my faith in God lately. I had so many questions/maybe I still even have a few that are yet to be answered. But the stupid thing is, is that when I was younger, these things never made me question my faith, or what I believed, and I always looked to those who felt the way I have lately as if they where "childish" or, "immature" with their faith. Wrong thinking. I know. So I have had these questions such as: Does God even really exist?, and, what makes OUR faith real, and everyone else that has different beliefs wrong? Or condemn them to Hell? How do WE know for a FACT that God is real, that what we have is real; are we really just supposed to "believe"...well, sadly...that's not good enough for me. Not lately anyways. And it has made me bitter inside, it has made me wonder if "Christianity" is fake, is worship fake? Now, remember, these are just questions I have, NOT accusations. Well, I confessed these things to my mom the other night, we were just talking, and I couldn't contain myself anymore, or my emotions, so I just spilled it all, and she listened to me, she didn't yell, she didn't judge, she just listened. And that's all. I don't think she will ever realize how much that helped me out. Obviously, yeah, I still felt the same way, but one thing she did tell me, was "immerse yourself with Christianity until you can't feel anything else other than God" and, that's what I did, kind of. But tonight, I started listening to 103.5, the Christian radio station, and I NEVER listen to that show, firstly because the talk show host annoys the crap out of me, and second it can be REALLY over the top. But tonight driving home with terrible road conditions, I figured, meh what the heck, so I turned to that station. There was this talk show on, not sure who it was, but basically, its a show where, they don't know what they are going to talk about, they just talk, its totally spirit led, pretty neat. And, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, it's impossible to explain how I felt on here, but it might be one of the most amazing things that has ever happend to me. The talk show hosts were talking about how people go through life driving themselves crazy because of this "false" guilt they bring upon themselves, and they were just saying things about this feeling inside your stomach that just turns and turns...and it was the same feeling that I have had for a while. Anyways, it was just too perfect to be, a "coincedence" (Sorry, ignore the spelling), it overwhelmed me. After they had talked about this they went on to pray for anyone that might be going through exactly what they were talking about, and then this like "narrirator" guy came on and said "there was someone here tonight listening to this radio show that may not be a regular listener that needed to hear these words, and I hope they were blessed"...and, that was that. The show ended. Even writing this now, I can't contain myself with the joy and the freedom and the peace that I feel in Christ. All those questions I had, just gone. And I start to think, how could I ever go on without Him, and where would I ever be if I didn't have Him?
Until next time.
- Merm
I never wanted to get a "blogspot" because...it seems, well, to be dreadfully honest, a cop-out, something that, you can use to express how you feel without people being able to "disagree" right there, on the spot, or say something that might offend you, or put you off guard. But, well, here I am, about to write down some things that I know some of you that may read this, or anyone that reads this at all, might be either really surprised, offended, or dissapointed in me, but that's fine, I'm not here to make impressions. Well, here goes nothing,
I have been going through some really trashy stuff lately. Guilty feelings for one, for a LONG time. Months. Can't figure out why though. Ever. I have done many things to rid me of this feeling but it overwhelms me, and consumes me, it walks with me when I wake up in the morning, and it comes with me to bed when I fall asleep. Also, along with feelings of "guilt", to be very honest with you all, I haven't been doing so great with my faith in God lately. I had so many questions/maybe I still even have a few that are yet to be answered. But the stupid thing is, is that when I was younger, these things never made me question my faith, or what I believed, and I always looked to those who felt the way I have lately as if they where "childish" or, "immature" with their faith. Wrong thinking. I know. So I have had these questions such as: Does God even really exist?, and, what makes OUR faith real, and everyone else that has different beliefs wrong? Or condemn them to Hell? How do WE know for a FACT that God is real, that what we have is real; are we really just supposed to "believe"...well, sadly...that's not good enough for me. Not lately anyways. And it has made me bitter inside, it has made me wonder if "Christianity" is fake, is worship fake? Now, remember, these are just questions I have, NOT accusations. Well, I confessed these things to my mom the other night, we were just talking, and I couldn't contain myself anymore, or my emotions, so I just spilled it all, and she listened to me, she didn't yell, she didn't judge, she just listened. And that's all. I don't think she will ever realize how much that helped me out. Obviously, yeah, I still felt the same way, but one thing she did tell me, was "immerse yourself with Christianity until you can't feel anything else other than God" and, that's what I did, kind of. But tonight, I started listening to 103.5, the Christian radio station, and I NEVER listen to that show, firstly because the talk show host annoys the crap out of me, and second it can be REALLY over the top. But tonight driving home with terrible road conditions, I figured, meh what the heck, so I turned to that station. There was this talk show on, not sure who it was, but basically, its a show where, they don't know what they are going to talk about, they just talk, its totally spirit led, pretty neat. And, it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, it's impossible to explain how I felt on here, but it might be one of the most amazing things that has ever happend to me. The talk show hosts were talking about how people go through life driving themselves crazy because of this "false" guilt they bring upon themselves, and they were just saying things about this feeling inside your stomach that just turns and turns...and it was the same feeling that I have had for a while. Anyways, it was just too perfect to be, a "coincedence" (Sorry, ignore the spelling), it overwhelmed me. After they had talked about this they went on to pray for anyone that might be going through exactly what they were talking about, and then this like "narrirator" guy came on and said "there was someone here tonight listening to this radio show that may not be a regular listener that needed to hear these words, and I hope they were blessed"...and, that was that. The show ended. Even writing this now, I can't contain myself with the joy and the freedom and the peace that I feel in Christ. All those questions I had, just gone. And I start to think, how could I ever go on without Him, and where would I ever be if I didn't have Him?
Until next time.
- Merm
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